Every week I attend a parenting group through my twins' Early Intervention services. They recently did a class that teaches mindfulness and ways to cope with the stress that comes with parenting. And let me tell you, the simplest acts and changes you do can make your day so much easier!
Let me start this by saying I am not a holistic doctor, and I am not the author of this information I'm about to tell you. I'm simply forwarding along the message and helping to spread knowledge to those who may need it.
The power of slowing down and refocusing not only benefits you, but also benefits your children's lives. Our children mimic us. If we are stressed or angry, they are stressed or angry. If we are sad and depressed, they are sad and depressed. If we are happy and calm, they, in turn, are happy and calm.
Things can turn from 0 to 60 in about 5 seconds in my house, and I often found my anxiety and stimulation levels going through the roof! My children noticed the heightened frequencies I was projecting and they were constantly matching my frequencies. It was getting to a point where I needed to remove myself from that space and take a minute to reset. By me taking that minute away from my kids it allowed them also a minute to reset. This is the beginning stages of a mindful, relaxation technique that you don't even know you are doing.
Separating yourself can recenter your focus, slow your breathing down, and clear your mind of chaos. Close your eyes for a few moments and take deep breaths. Focus on slowly breathing in and out. Envision yourself in your happy place. Start to notice the smells and the sounds of that memory. Open your eyes and look at the ceiling, still taking deep breaths in and out. Notice the smells and sounds of your room. Feel the tension melt from your head to the back of the neck, off your shoulders, and down your spine. As your doing this, your mind is clearing and turning blank. It makes everything that just happened a few moments ago, null and void. You can now think with a clear head, and mentally prepare your body and mind for whatever is about to come next. You can now go back into that space with NO EXPECTATIONS, and just let stuff happen. (Obviously using parental supervision). "Let it goo, Let it goooo." - Yes I just quoted Frozen.
In this parenting group, not only did we discuss relaxation techniques but we also made a craft. I introduce... The Glitter Bottle! The idea is to shake it upside down then rightsized up, when Sh*T hits the fan. Watch the glitter, although it is mesmerizing, it represents the chaos. Now slowly take deep breaths still while watching the glitter start to fall to the bottom of the bottle. Notice the symbolism of the water clearing, as the clearing of your mind. When the teacher first demonstrated this to the group, every parent went silent and were awestruck. Immediately, we requested to make these bottles the next meeting.
My bottle sits on my counter top, and comes out when my 4 yr old who is experiencing all her emotions, it seems like all at once, and is about to have a meltdown. It comes out when I find myself being anxious, or verbally battling with previously mentioned 4 yr old. It comes out when my toddlers need to be redirected or needs to be snapped out of a tantrum. It comes out if anyone needs a minute to reset. It's such an easy and simple strategy, that it makes you wonder why on Earth you never thought of it yourself.
Another way of redirecting and refocusing is getting out in nature. Take your family and go for walks. Take the children to a field and let them run. Take your shoes off, walk barefoot, and ground yourself. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and out. Smell the trees and the greenery that surrounds you. Listen to the wind blowing through the trees, listen to your children laughing and playing around you. Go for a car ride to experience something new and unexpected. Remember you must go with No Expectations. DO NOT set the bar high at all. If you do, you will be disappointed and irritated. Don't set yourself up for failure before you even go.
As mentioned earlier in detail, children mimic their parents. We need to teach them coping mechanisms early so they know how to handle themselves and experiences later in life. If we are constantly on them, telling them what to do and threatening disciplinary action if those rules aren't followed, you are teaching them nothing. They need to understand why they shouldn't do something, and what could happen if they did. Their brains are engineering situations in their heads and they need to know how to handle these situations. Hence the most irritating question out of a toddler, "But Why? .. But Why?" If you just tell them no they can't do something, then they'll more than likely just do it anyways because their imagination just made up the situational ending of "But Why". And more often than not, at this age their imagination is wrong, because they have no experience. It is your job as their parent to help guide them along this thing called Life. If they fall, they'll get back up; but they need you not to fall. If you do, you better make sure you get up quicker than they did.
The teacher in this parent group said a statement that has stuck with me, and really makes me think on how to become a better parent and how to become a better person, so my kids can become better and have different coping techniques to get through different situations. I'll just leave this here - She said, "Remember, you are raising someone's future spouse."
With Love & Light,
Kelly
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